Visited my folks at the weekend and found myself reminiscing about all the painful building work they've had done over the years. At the end of the project everything looks terrific, but is it really worth the pain of months of upheaval?
I then caught myself reminiscing about my only bad experience with builders. The guy (for silly reasons we'll call him Bob) was a classic cowboy. Promised the earth, delivered very little. We had two builders in afterwards to finish what he had barely begun. Most of the time he seemed to turn up (actually most of the time he didn't turn up) but when he did, he seemed to talk nonsense about well, virtually everything. He'd make promises about the quality of the work and then make a mess which wasn't cleared up properly at the end of the day.
He didn't finish the job by Christmas and was off to Australia for 6 weeks - and yet he had the gall to ask for £2000 for materials. Materials I suspect that consisted of meals out and souvenirs 'Down Under'. Not able to take any more weasel words we sacked him.
But I then remembered why, more than any other reason, I hated his presence in our home. Every morning - whenever he turned up, without fail he would do a stinking great big poo in our toilet. The putrefying stench crawling from the toilet was enough to put me off my breakfast. And you know the worst thing was - once, I came home from work, the builder having knocked off early, and his presence was still winking at me from the Armitage Shanks.
Bob the Builder. Can we flush it? No we can't!
Oh and another thing. I paid a lot of money for those poos and I want them back...
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